In a corner of my mind

"...then I see you standing there wanting more from me and all I can do is try..."

Green seems to be the color of the day, well, according to Rica dearest. I am really tired. Who wouldn't be after chatting with Rica and Angel!?! I swear, seryoso. You guys wear me down! ^^; Well, tonight or rather, this morning, it was Rica who really wore me down. Delikado ka. Haha! ^_^ I'm not yet really sleepy but my mind's sabaw na.

It's either the house that's making me sneeze or I'm really allergic to dogs/cats. I've been sneezing and blowing my nose ever since I arrived. Wah! Oh well. I still love ‘em though.

Funny. We have two televisions but as of now, they're both not working. Hay. I'll survive though.

I watched The Longest Yard today. If the actor wasn't Adam Sandler, I wouldn't have gone, but as it wasn't the case, I did watch it. Very funny, recommended. I'm not writing in sentences anymore. Tinamad na daw. I'm being incoherent.

It was miniskirt day today. Fun, even though it was raining and it was freezing, not really, but it was very cold, especially in the cinema. We all looked so cute though.

Congratulations to you guys! You deserved it after all the hard work you did. Now you have money, pwede nyo na akong ilibre. Haha!

I was planning to make a new layout tonight. I was in the mood earlier, but right now, my mind has gone dry. I found a number of new brushes and images though. It's just in the manner of how well I put them together. Found a new script. I'll try it out next time.

Don't you think that hate is a strong word to describe what you're feeling right now? Hope you're feeling better though. You think too much when you shouldn't at all ^_^

Our theo prof is really something. Wenk. But if you don't care about what other people think about you, does that mean that you already view them as someone who are lower than you? Because, sometimes, I really don't care what other people think, but I didn't think of myself as someone who is better than the rest of them. Or maybe I do. I guess? Sometimes. Her story reminded me of somewhat slightly similar situation. Remember A3? Yeah. The ultimate ostracized girl. We tried, but she was just too clingy. She just didn't fit in.

It's weird. I really feel very contented this week. It's like I'm invincible and nothing could hurt me. It's like the walls around me has been rebuilt with a much stronger material. Scary though. Or maybe, I'm just feeling numb.

I wanna watch Must Love Dogs, The Perfect Man and Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. ^_^ Haha.

Monday. Hay. :(

"Online is a game…only here, I play with who I am." Here we can be whoever we want to be. We can assume different identities. We can be someone we never were or someone we wish to be. We can put several masks and they will never know what the real one is. Wala lang.

Sir Rams or Rams is leaving for the US. I thought it was just a rumor. Oh well, good luck to him. He made me love math though. I was browsing his blog earlier and I stumbled upon this entry. Very nice and very timely too.

*****

Closing Cycles

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through. Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters - whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden? You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened.

You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot for ever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them REALLY GO AWAY.

That is why it is so important (however painful it may be!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts - and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place. Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them.

Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return, do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the "ideal moment."

Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person - nothing is irreplaceable, a habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.