Freaky friday

I can't believe it. I fell asleep! Around 11 pm, I was able to finish my reflection paper on death. I'm rather proud of it. Then I said, I would just lie down for an hour or so. Whatever Chill. Once I start saying that, realize that it's the end. So what time did I wake up but 530. I saw the light slowly creeping in the sky, and I can't help but curse myself and all the forces around me, blaming everything, when the only one responsible is me, myself and I. So what other choice do I have but to continue my work this morning until 830, where I have to insert taking a bath and skimming my psych notes on my schedule. Blech. Guess I have no choice but to use my free periods to finish my papers. That's why I don't like this room. It's so fucking tempting. My plans always go awry. Humph.

Men are unreasonable. Right Mars? *nods* But I'm not saying everyone is. Generalizing is unfair. Being fickle-minded isn't a good thing either, but should it be something that would be taken against a person? Everyone has flaws, everyone. Find me a person with no trace of one and I'll give everything I have (which isn't much to be a tempting offer), but I would.

I said I would but I can't. It's just not my thing to vent out what I feel about certain people on writing, as in aggressively talking about it, especially in a public blog. On my private blog maybe, but I'll think about it. The issue has been resolved though...well, I think it is or is it just my mind playing tricks? I had a pretty weird but sorta kinda realistic dream last night. A night of drinking, getting drunk, going to guys' bathrooms, ignoring people, tripping and slipping, old classmates, im-ing, talking over the internet phone, walking around the mall, escaping, going ahead, darkness. Those were practically the images that I can remember. It wasn't a pretty sight though. Then someone was pregnant. I think that came from an image of Britney being pregnant.

I can't believe I still have time to blog. But I'll always have time, even to do mundane things. I am such a freak. Oh well.

Of...nothingness ^_^

"...There's so much more to me than meets the eye. In this life I know one thing...It doesn't really matter what you wear let the people stare cuz we are who we are who we are who we are. It doesn't really matter what car you drive. It's good to be alive. Yeah we are who we are who we are who we are. Who we are..." - Who We Are by Hope Partlow (hindi naman obvious na yun yung title dba? haha! ^_^)

"Under the facade of goodness, lies a claustrophobic nastiness." Ha! Interesting right? I saw it written in a scratch paper and I remember Sta showing it to me from a book. What book? I have no idea. I'm not plagiarizing; I'm not claiming ownership of it. Anyway, isn't it cool how it was phrased? Your nastiness is being supressed, hence the word 'claustrophobic.' I rather think that everyone is this way. We contain the nastiness inside, because we do all have that side. Let me see you deny it.

I'm currently in love with the rendition of Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson. Not much of the lyrics but of the melody and the accompaniment of the piano. Okay, maybe the lyrics had some effect, but I love how the piano was played, added to that, Clarkson's voice.

I am greatly saddened. It's inevitable. I will really move out. :( Next year is the soonest that I know of. My papa even sought the help of my aunt (or maybe it was the other way around) in locating a university in Italy. Her husband is a "master of economics," whatever that means, from Pavia University, wherever that is. They are now eyeing University of Lucca in Tuscany. May I remind you that Tuscany is a province and it's miles away from Rome or Milan or any huge city? There, just so you know. I'll be isolated. Well, not really, there are the trains going almost everywhere, but still, living in a city and province is different. It's not that I cringe from change...Okay, fine, maybe I do. Here I am, living a comfortable life and surrounded with great friends. Moving to a place where I am more or less physically different, language incompetent and no friends or no one that I know scares the shit out of me. Truly it does. I thought that they had forgotten about the matter, allowing me to finish my 4 years of college in Ateneo, but I guess I was mistaken. I expected too much; I was too hopeful. Maybe for them, not talking about it doesn't mean that it's out of the question, but it's there, constantly lingering. But who knows, right? They haven't put down their foot. I still need to get, as my papa said, "good results for the first semester in order to facilitate a transfer to a good university in Italy." How formal and cool he sounds. But, I know he understands for he himself had to transfer from Italy to Hong Kong with no background on the language, and alone too. But still...If he does understand, then why? If it does push through though, I'll be the fourth KRACI who'll leave...It's saddening how our barkada is really gonna be scattered around the globe.

That, for the most part is the most depressing news.

Suddenly, I have not much to say.

We would all reach a point when we ask ourselves, will this truly make me happy? If it was, is this the right decision to make? Then now, it's looking more into the future. Okay, the latter question is what we would constantly ask ourselves. Decisions, decisions, decisions, why do we constantly have to decide?

I had two lunches today. Haha, pigging out again? Nah, it's too soon for that reason, but I suddenly felt hungry, as if I didn't eat the whole day. Maybe this time, I'm beginning to be serious about getting some fat in my body. Not that I don't, I have, duh, but it's not enough.

It's ridiculous how quickly prices have increased. It was only yesterday that we ate at Max and their basic meal cost P110. Today, when we ate there again, it was now P116! And in only less than a day! Is it the E-VAT that they only implemented now? Sheesh!

There were 2-3 rows of Victoria Holt/Jean Plaidy/Philippa Carr (yes, they are just one authoress) books in the library! Wow. That shows just how old the library is. Haha! She is one of my favorite authors. Her books may reiterate their plots but I can't get tired of it because it is the context of the story that makes everything interesting. It is history, real history that the characters are plunged into. Her protagonists are women, and the situation is seen from their points of view. It is written in the first POV, but for Philippa Carr and Jean Plaidy, some of them are written in the omniscient view. The latter's main characters are queens, duchesses, women of royalty, while for the former, she writes about women and their succeeding generations. Too bad that I have read most of the books in the library written by Victoria Holt; I guess I'll now shift to her other pseudonyms.

Secrets will always be secrets

Technically, this entry should be for the 27th since it would be September 27 in just 5 minutes, but what the heck, I'm not playing with time here. I haven't blogged for a few days mainly for two reasons. First that I have died and this is my ghost typing and secondly, I clearly have no more reasons to blog. Just kidding. I'm feeling particularly morbid at the minute. I wasn't able to blog because my laptop, my beautiful, trustworthy-laptop-that-wouldn't-fail-on-me has done exactly the opposite: failed on me. It bugged down, typically, having the same problem as before. I'm beginning to think that the technicians are doing this on purpose so that we would keep on coming back for repairs. Hmm…scheming people. But I may never know if that really was their intention. Secondly, I was sick. I should have realized it when I had that splitting headache last Friday. Well, I went home Sunday morning and I felt the full blast of having a cold, so I opted to cut two classes today to stay home. I had 11 hours of sleep which I think was more than good enough for "rest."

Nothing much to blog that would not touch on people.

Gin dearest, I would be copying something from your newest blog, I hope you don't mind. It just hit me, like a volleyball coming out of nowhere.

Why secrets are and will always be secrets. There are things that people just can't share with other people. It kills them to keep it in, but you know if you told someone you would feel weaker. By saying them, it can be more hurtful to you. Because it shouldn't have been thought of in the first place. Does that make sense? Right now, it's what I have. It's just thoughts. But if I say it, it becomes real. Something that can hurt me even more than it may now.
Are you following?
I'm in that place. I don't want to be weak... I don't want to acknowledge this downfall of mine. I need to tell someone but there's no one I can tell. No one. People wouldn't understand. Even I don't understand.

Of course I feel that way. We all do, in some way, in some time or another. I do dislike being vulnerable. Truly dislike it. That's why all these walls have been built up to keep exactly that out.

I had an interesting conversation (well, more like one-sided conversation) with one of my best friends that got me thinking. But...funny, all my thoughts seem to have gone, just like the rain that suddenly fell out of nowhere and is now nowhere to be heard, seen nor felt. It's sometimes annoying how thoughts can be so slippery. They're there one minute, the next gone. *sigh*

I'm supposed to be doing a power point presentation, one thought paper, read eco and read for Pysch but...sandman is slowly approaching and lazy fairy has already visited me. Haha.

*yawns*

Windy day

posted on the 27th of September, 12:16 am.

"...And if I could hold on through the tears and the laughter, would it be beautiful? Or just a beautiful disaster..." - Beautiful Disaster by Kelly Clarkson

It was an unusually windy day, and there I was, wearing a mini skirt that almost all the time went with where the wind wanted to go. The weather was mocking me. Oh well, at least no one got to see the total flip, haha! So funny.

I'll be watching the play Bayan-bayanan in an hour. One hour of sleep isn't enough to compensate for the lack of sleep for this week.

Someone made testimonials for the whole block. The mystery is that we have no idea who the culprit is.

Our theo professor gave us a piece of advice yesterday during class and that was to always listen to your friends because they see what you cannot see. In this particular case, I find myself agreeing. But, the trick is to be careful of who you listen to. One cannot always be agreeing with what others say.

***

This melancholic mood is unlike me, but then, what is? This is what I get for walking alone at Murphy's Walk (if I remember correctly, that's the name of the path on the left side of the cov courts) and for watching a depressing play. I'm feeling underappreciated at the moment, haha, but I shouldn't be. I should have anticipated this though.

I totally failed my PE long test. It's just PE, I know, I've heard, but to fail it? It's a total chunk on my pride.

I've been unusually bitchy lately. I couldn't help but be irritated by noise during classes. Then a while ago, it took all of my self-control not to look at the person behind me who was making comments about the play and the two organizations that deals with theater. The play doesn't have much laughs because it is a serious one. Can't believe she couldn't get that point. I mean, for a person sitting there for an hour and a half, wouldn't she be able to conclude that it was indeed a serious play, regaled with themes that concern our present society? Apparently not.

Yup, my message was misunderstood. I didn't notice until it was pointed out to me today. I don't have the heart to tell though.

Invaded

"...If there's a price for rotten judgment, I guess I've already won that...You got got got it bad... No chance, no way I won't say it no no. Give up give in...At least out loud I won't say I'm in love..." - I won't say I'm in love by Meg from Hercules

Currently writing my SA paper. It's not so bad; it's actually easy to do. There are many ideas that could be incorporated in it, but I can't seem to organize my thoughts again. That's why, here I am, using my blog as an outlet for stray thoughts that keep invading my mind.

The transformation is slowly being completed. I am becoming an "owl," just like my dad said. Asleep during the day, awake at night. When I go home early, I really do have the intention of doing what I'm supposed to do, but the pull of the bed is so strong to ignore. It's not that I lie when I say I'll be doing my papers when I go home early. Really, the intention is there, but the act was lost somewhere along the way. So there, I sleep in the afternoons which in turn allows me to keep my eyes open at night and in the wee hours of the morning. *sigh* This has been my routine for this week. Go home as soon as class is done (or in this case, Psych experiments), eat lunch, use the internet, then sleep until 530 or 6. When I wake up, eat dinner then use the internet again, this time mixed with school-related stuff. After that, until 12 or 2, I do my work. I sleep until 4 then finish the undone work.

I truly had a frightening dream last night. I died intentionally. I can still feel the 'feeling' I had. I can't seem to shake it off. The weight of the feeling was staggering. It was as if all the care in the world disappeared. Jumping off wasn't scary, nor did it elicit any guilt feelings. I felt cold, a different chill and shiver. It was icy, very icy and hollow. It was as if my body was separated from my mind so that I couldn't feel anything, and I was there, above my body, yet I was still in it, seeing everything from both points of view. When I 'died,' I was still alive, stood up, and went to watch tv...? Truly weird. I wonder why I dreamt that certain scene. Those thoughts haven't been hounding my mind though. Another mystery of our minds. My subconscious is telling me something, but what?

My Filipino exam was...full of crap. Okay, I did study, but I was distracted all the while. I was being bullied to study earlier, and by my two best friends nonetheless. Instead of going to the library to study, I opted to go to the volleyball class. I had, once again, every intention to study, but volleyball was really exciting, and I couldn't help but glance once in a while, not knowing that information was slipping every time the ball was hit...which was all the time. Let's face it. My study habits have deteriorated. I have to get back on track. This new routine isn't working at all.

We had a psych experiment today entitled "Blue Pictures." I have nothing to say on the matter. Well, actually I do. They should have put some kind of description. This is a perfect example of heading into battle without any armor and weapons. It wasn't that bad, but I am a young innocent girl, hahaha! *Rica: Wooshoo!*

Studying? Yes! Nag-aaral? Oo! ... Yata! :D

I will study, in a while. My mind's just too distracted at the moment. Plus my computer screen's flickering, so it might shut down just like this morning when we were doing the powerpoint. Humph. Had to redo it again, sheesh!!

My hair's so soft today. I wonder why. Haha!

Hay, Filipino. I so totally hope that this long test would be relatively higher than the last one. I need the grade. Really. I mean, sure the school won't look at the grade for Filipino since it's not exactly the language they use but I'll just die if I see a not-so-good grade.

The first draft for LLT is done! Haha, pero sabog pa, as in. Working on it. It'll go smoothly, promise. I was trying to edit it during eco, but had to ask questions to Sta to clear some of the scenes I couldn't understand. Then I've planned like three layouts for the site. It's not as though I'll make three but just in case I go into one of those psychotic moods, then might as well be prepared. Then, look for more visuals, etc. There are so many things to write about, unlike before when we were already surrounded by flies by lack of ideas. Writer's block is a nightmare for writers. Gah! (sounds like Gin) I'm excited for LLT! Teehee

Tinatawag na ako ng aking libro *tingin sa kanyang kanan, kung saan nakalapag ang librong Ginto't Bulaklak at ang kwadernong naglalaman ng dalawampung pahina ng tala tungkol sa pagsusulit bukas* Aba! Maayos yata ang pagkasulat ko ngayon.

Haha! That was insane. Oh well, here I go. Wish me luck!

Paalam!

Weirdness all throughout

"...You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face in a crowded place, and I don't know what to do 'cause I'll never be with you... But it's time to face the truth, I will never be with you..." - You're Beautiful by James Blunt

Well, it is a Tuesday. There are still three more days before the weekend! It's not as though I'm excited for the weekend or anything, but just the fact that it's the weekend that makes me anticipate it.

How is it that I hate being stressed and yet that's the only time when I really can do something? Just like last night when I was preparing for our SA report. Krista and Debby didn't have internet access so they couldn't send me their own research. I won't say anything anymore. Just that we're done with our report just an hour ago and it was great. Thank you Marco and Miggy for the great presentation! :D I guess the reason I panicked was that it didn't hit me that the report was today and yesterday morning, I was going easy over it.

My lil sis saw my stressed-down mode yesterday. Haha. It was like I didn't know what to do first and what exactly to do. It was like I was compressing everything I had to do for this week on just one day. Hay, this is what happens when one has a lot on her mind.

Weh. Weird people. Ang labo.

I can't wait for this semester to end. Really end. Maybe then we'll really talk about our plans for next year. I mean, there must be something more than what I am experiencing now. Right?

I need something to distress me. It's funny how a bar of chocolate can seem to soothe me. When I sank my teeth on a bar of snickers, I gained satisfaction from it. Haha.

This weather really has interesting effects on people. They can range from weirdness to happiness to depression to numbness to excitement to suicidal tendencies to sleepiness to etc etc etc.

Busy days ahead. Long tests, papers, plays, concerts, exposures, fun runs. Sheesh. How did my life become so topsy-turvy? Not that it hasn't been all this time, but lately it has increased. I mean, apart from school that is.

It's really getting to me. Hehe, I can't ignore it anymore. Wah! Weird comments.

Watching the advanced volleyball class yesterday made me miss volleyball more (and no more comments on how you're not lonely anymore! Honestly, who in the world are you? Not that I'm being mean or anything but...there.).

It's like a game of tag, but it's just 2 people playing.

I need candy! It's a good thing there's a candy corner in the caf. Sugar rush! I feel that I'll fall asleep in eco class today. So sleepy, but I was able to sleep for 6-7 hours...I think. ^_^ Long test in fil tomorrow! I have to study as soon as I get back from school, which is directly after eco class.

I miss you guys, really ^_^ Go to the AC Bazaar! :D

Happy and tiring weekend

"...Every time it rains I listen to the sky and wonder what's so great about sunshine. Everybody lives and everybody dies...Every time it rains. I know it's good to be alive. Every time it rains, I know I'm trying to survive..." - Every Time It Rains by Charlotte Martin

My little sis is such a slugabed! Haha! She's been sleeping ever since the time we arrived from Makati. She has been hogging my bed ever since this morning when she went to sleep at around 530, I think. This weekend has been great. I know that I should have done academic related stuff such as study for Psych, prepare for SA and Theo report and start on my PE paper, but nah. There was no pressure, no stress.

Saturday. I woke up at 630 to my annoyance. I can't sleep beyond 7 since I usually wake up at 6 every weekday. I had a "group meeting" at around 10 for our SA report; I was supposed to read for SA that morning, but I realized that I left my file case in my locker the previous day because we went to Eastwood. So I decided to go to school and while I was there, look for books for Theo report and also check Ms. Durano's locker for some books. I left at around 9 and went to the library. After that, I went to the Theo department and saw Debby and Mars waiting outside the consultation rooms for their orals. I had to wait for Debby for she didn't know where my place was. It was about a quarter before 11 that she was done and we went to the stairs. Halfway through, we went back coz she forgot to sign up for the Psych experiments.

As we were walking back to the stairs, we saw Marco, obviously exhausted and there I was asking where he came from. Pang-asar daw. He was at the apartment at around 10, I think and I didn't get his text so I assumed that he didn't go. Whoops. Oh well. Debby and I proceeded to go down the stairs. And then, ack! We almost stepped on this long brown rubbery-looking snake!!! We both thought that it was a branch. We were very wrong. Debby froze, literally. Then like after a second, we both screamed and ran back up in record speed. Fuck. My heart literally stopped. When I saw the "branch" move, my mind was running non-stop. I was like, is that a snake? Are my eyes deceiving me and the branch just moved? Or was that just some long worm? We waited for a few more people and went down with them. I was really suspicious of those branches. Ack! How the hell am I supposed to go up and down those stairs without being paranoid of some snake hanging around???

Anyway, we arrived at the apartment and read and discussed for SA, ate lunch, researched about the ESEP project. Marco arrived first, but went back to the stairs. Then Miggy arrived. Then Charmie and Marco. At last. Everyone was there, except for Sta who couldn't go because of the weather. You know how these group meetings go. We ended up watching the cheer dance competition on tv. We discussed a little about our report and incorporated some ideas. We ordered Yellow Cab pizza, again and ate while watching Parent Trap. Around 615, they all left. After a few minutes, I get this call the minute I stepped out from the shower. My little sis was alone in her condo so I asked her if she wanted to sleepover and we could use her Magic Sing that she left here. Haha. She agreed. Yehey! She went here around 845. I remember coz Gilmore Girls just ended ^_^ Haha, funny. She walked across the field not knowing that it was muddy in the middle. Another funny part was that another girl copied her. Haha! Too bad. Muddy tuloy ng feet :D Hahaha! Ang sama, pinagtawanan daw ^_^ Anyway, we plugged in the Magic Sing and sang the whole night through! Very funny! Really. We each made an "mtv" and recorded like 2-3 songs that we made fun of. One was Sometimes by Britney, wherein we imitated her nasal voice. Around 130, Manang came down and scolded us that we were disturbing the neighbors. Volume 3 na nga eh, ang hina. Oh well, after that, it dampened our spirits. Damn. Nabitin tuloy kami. Humph!!! We still sang but mahihina na and ended at like 2 or 230 in the morning ^_^ Haha! Anyway, I was already sleepy. Charmie used my pc to blog and I was on my bed, writing and texting. However, I couldn't take it anymore, so I think I muttered a goodnight and bam, off to lala land. I was roused at 530 when Charmie was preparing for bed so I had to move some of my stuff from the bed to the floor.

I woke up at 730, then at 8. I was supposed to meet up with my mom at 1030 and at this time, I would already be preparing. At 9, I had to wake Charmie up. Hirap gisingin. Hehe ^_^ Such a slugabed :D Anyway, we arrived at Makati at around 1050, heard mass, ate at Java Man, walked around where Charmie bought again 2 pairs of flip flops. I like the name Dupe (not pronounced as dyup, but as du-pey) better than Havaianas ^_^ I didn't buy anything coz my mom was like don't buy anything today. Okay. I can deal with that. It seems as if there was much work to be done at home than what we all expected. Haha. Anyway, we went to the supermarket and then went back. As soon as we arrived, we both flopped on the bed and was fast asleep in seconds. Until now.

Hmmm...I have no more internet card. I have to buy. Remember!!!

Still sleepy, but I have to study for Psych.

It's raining like crazy again. It was an overcast day so it didn't take a genius to see that it would rain at night.

Over and out!

Waiting, waiting...

I'm at ctc right now, waiting for Charmie to finish her article for Guidon. After that, we would be going to Gateway to watch a movie. I've been itching to watch a movie for the past week. It's seems such a long time since I've watched a movie, but I think it was only last week. Right? Or is my mind failing me?

I met him as I was walking towards ctc. Same hair, same eyes, same smile. And it was only recently that his name came up. Haha, now I wish I did sign up for that particular experiment. Hay. Oh well. You can't run from the past forever. Freak, ang labo. Never mind.

It's amazing how a weather such as this could elicit repressed thoughts.

We had a wonderful picnic for lunch today. Originally, the plan was to take out some food and bring it up to Charmie's apartment, where we would eat and sleep. The plan changed, however, when there was no parking space in front of Prince David. We disliked the idea of Marco walking back. So, going with the idea of Klart, we ate inside his car which was parked at the carpark of the communications department. Haha! It was fun. Four of them were squeezed at the back. Haha ^_^

I never wondered how one would feel when he or she is ignored. I can totally ignore a person and pretend that they don't exist. Literally. It is not an easy feat and sometimes, it's hard to do but the pride rises higher than anything else, and that makes up for it. Not that I've been ignored but it was something of that sort. More like a brush off. Being treated that way would increase my resentment more for that person, and I wouldn't like that to happen.

I wonder why the rain falls down. Where does it even come from? Is it really true that there is a transcendental being? I'm not questioning religion. It's true that it's socially constructed. People need to find a way to explain something that is abstract and something that they cannot find any piece of evidence. Ideas. Ideas are very influential even though they are very much abstract. Crazy ideas. Such as this.

It's a good thing that I didn't expect anything. In this way, I didn't get hurt. I mean, maybe it really is just a pigment of my imagination. I thought it could be something more, but in reality, there's none. Still, there's that question of why. An explanation of some kind is always needed. But I then realized that not everything has a reason or could be explained. :D

It's weird how sometimes we itch to speak our mind because before we haven't really done so but the minute it's done, the satisfied feeling that we are expecting doesn't come to light.

There's nothing but a simple compliment to bring a smile on my face. Maybe it be how I look or what I did. It affirms yourself that all is good. But more often than not, we receive compliments but seldom give it. That's the problem, especially in our society. Kuripot magsabi ng magaganda because we don't know what the intention is. That's the problem. As much as you want to believe what they say, there's always a doubt lingering. And you can't help but question the intention behind it.

Stop using my comment board as an advertisement!!!

It's still raining and Charmie's not yet done with her article. Tagal! Haha, joke. I do understand how difficult it is to find the right words to explain your idea. I'm hungry though. That two-piece chicken meal didn't satiate my hunger. It barely grazed it.

I'm currently feeling gloomy. Just like this weather. I remember having the same weather but at that time I was on this high cloud that didn't seem to disappear. I wonder where that is? I want to feel that same way again.

Dreading the week ahead. Really dreading it.

I left my umbrella outside. Hope nobody steals it.

Weird dreams and it only revolves on one thing. Hay. Why oh why? But it does hurt, a teensy weensy bit. Truthfully it does, and I don't want to admit it and yet here I am doing exactly that, that it does bother me, affects me...Blech. Nagdrama daw.

"Rain rain go away, come again another day."

Why is it that we hurt the ones we love? It's because we know that they would still stay by our side. Haha, I just remembered that line from the Sisterhood. It's true though. We constantly hurt the ones we are closed to because we know that they would never leave us, that they would still be there no matter what happens. I just hope that it's always the case.

Super random thoughts. I want to paint, now.

I feel distant, but I brought it upon myself. Do I want this? Here I am again, being undecided and all.

***

We watched the Red Eye tonight! Phew! Scary! Not the horror kind of scariness but it was more realistic ^_^

Of wet weathers, unpleasant stenches and lost basketball games

"...You're beautiful. You're beautiful. You're beautiful, it's true. I saw your face in a crowded place, and I don't know what to do, 'cause I'll never be with you..." - You're Beautiful by James Blunt

Today was such a sabog day. I went to PE class. Fuck. Free cut again, and he didn't even tell us last meeting. What the hell!?! And it was raining and everything. What a way to start the day and the weather just dampened everything, especially my spirits. I was in the mood to wear a skirt, a white one too but the weather didn't go with my plans. Anyway, stayed at the library for a while to read up for SA. I wanted to cut class because it felt so good to just lay my head on the desk and drift off to dreamland, but I was in study mode so I didn't. Class was interesting. I was able to actually listen, copy notes, participate and understand the lesson. Weird prof. What's up with her and sex? I think she's deprived on that department. She's 30 something and she's acting as if she hasn't had some. Or maybe that is the case. That's why all these mention of sex. *shrugs*

The rain didn't let up even after that class. We went to eat at Bento Box, me ordering once again the infamous teriyaki chicken barbeque. That is what I always order when we eat there. Di kaya ako magsawa? I was quite subdued the whole day. The weather was one reason. The other reason is...that. Kaya pala. Oh well. That's life. My phone's screaming, "change me change me!" Hay. I want a new phone. Actually, I want a lot of new stuff, but as much as I really want them, I don't want to ask my rents to buy them. It's not as if I'd die if I don't have them, but still, I can't help but want them. Ang labo. Kagigising ko lang kasi.

We had eco. I kinda like the substitute teacher. First of all, he has a loud voice. His enunciations are clear. Like Krista said, he reminds us of Sir Eco (AC), who incidentally has also her last name! haha. Uncle. His voice wakes me up and really prods me to listen. Second, he writes on the board. Not just numbers or graphs but what he's discussing. Writing on the board and discussing it is more effective, for me that is because I need visuals to understand something. People in class were slowly dissipating. I can't do that. To just stand up and leave the class. I find it rude. If I were the professor, I would have made pahiya the students who keep on standing up. Haha. I can't be a teacher. I might be an authoritarian.

I was already feeling uncomfortable during eco time. Cramps. I hate it when that happens. One downside of being a female. You have to endure a lot of pain. A lot. Humph. Anyway, we waited for Krista's Tita Benj, who gave us the tickets for the game of ADMU vs. DLSU. Her son's so cute. Looks like his dad. Well, Norman Black's taller but I guess he's a bit tall for his age. How old is he anyway? Anyway, he didn't want us girls watching him get dressed so we had to put up this, um, whatever you call the one you put on the windshield to reflect the rays of the sun, between us while he dressed up. Haha, funny. Tita was so bait. Sta told me that she even wanted us to eat dinner afterwards or something like that. Hehe. Buti na lang hindi. I wouldn't want to see a coach mad. She reminded me of Mrs. Eala. Then, she even asked us that if we still wanted to "bum around," we could ask the driver to save us seats until we return.

We arrived at Araneta and went in. Found where Miggy was seated with my sharp eyes. We couldn't find seats close to where he was, but Chino was so good to give up 3 seats. Aaaawww...Anyway, FEU was still playing against NU. Kawawa naman. People were starting to fill up the seats. Blue and green. I couldn't believe that I was there, actually watching the game. You really get caught up with the school spirit. Last year, I didn't know shit about who the players were and who was winning and who's fighting who. Loser? Nah. I just didn't care. So anyway, we were there. Then it was starting. Drums from both sides were beating. Fun. Then the game started. We were catching up with La Salle. We were cheering until our voices became hoarse and rested. Wala na kasing iced tea. Haha. Then, it seemed as if cheering wasn't an option anymore. Our players were playing badly. It's like they have oil on their hands and can't keep a grip on the ball. What's up with the passes? And the free-throws! What the hell was that all about? Then the gap of the scores were slowly increasing. On the third quarter, I knew that we wouldn't win. They didn't even improve. Sheesh!

Watching the game would have been more exciting IF the person seated beside me actually smelled good. First, he reeked of cigarette smoke. An absolute no-no. Then add to that the odor of a wet foot that had dried up plus sweat. Basta. He reeked! I already sprayed perfume on myself, but every time he shifted positions, there was a smell that permeated the air. *faints* We were just laughing at it na nga lang eh. I mean, I can't just look up (yes, he was taller than me) and say, Hey, I don't like how you smell. You reek of used and sweaty socks that have been kept on a damp place for a month. Can you like, just move to another place? Heh, I'm not stupid to pick a fight with a stranger and out of nowhere though I did feel rebellious and superior.

The reaction of other people were really something. Every time the other side would cheer, some would passionately shout back and would raise their middle fingers. Especially when one of the players did that stupid "dance" or whatever. They were really calling him names. Eh stupid naman talaga kaya he deserved it.

Okay. Freaky moment. My closed door opened. It opened as if someone turned the knob and peeked in. I thought it was manang, but...when I asked what. no one answered. It kept moving back and forth as if deciding whether to look in or not. Weh. No one was there. Okay. I'm freaking myself out.

Oh well. The rivalry was intense. Yun lang.

I went back with tita and Sta. Traffic. It was still raining. Hard. I was tempted again to walk under the rain, but under these circumstances, decided against it. I was so tired that I fell asleep after eating dinner and taking a bath. And here I am, writing down what happened.

Oh yeah, I mentioned that it was a sabog day. I haven't even gone close as to why. I had like a lot of bloopers today. Like for example, the M&Ms that Sta gave. She said that it was glow in the dark. So I was like, cool. What I didn't know was, it was only the wrapper, I thought it was the M&Ms themselves. Haha, stupid. That's why when she said that Miggy kept the wrapper, I was like, inside my mind, why in the world would he keep the wrapper? Haha, funny! Anyway, I did something that made us both laugh at my foolishness. Second was at Araneta. The tickets were with me. I was holding them. Then there was this guy giving out tickets from EK. I didn't realize that Sta took the tickets for the game from my hand. When I approached the person who checks the tickets, I showed him the ticket I was holding, and he was like ano yan? Tapos ang kulit ko pa and I kept on showing it. It was only when Krista handed the real tickets that I realized that it was the EK ticket that I was holding. Hahaha! Totally sabog! (too many of the word "tickets" in 5 sentences)

I think I feed from aggressiveness and competitiveness. That's the only time I fair well. Is that a bad thing or a good thing?

I'm still thinking whether I would revise my paper in theo or not. But nah, I don't think I will. I still have to read up for Psych, Fil and Theo. Two for the reports and the other for tomorrow's lesson.

Something's bothering me but I keep pushing it off my mind. Escapism. I can't escape from this, I know, but right now, I have to or else, my wall will crumble to dust.

Hehe. I was asked to speak tomorrow at the Usapang Bayan for AtSCA. Me? Speak out loud my thoughts? No thanks. So I lied and said I was going home, which is of course, not the truth because I did say it was a lie right? What the hell? Ang labo nun. Anyway, I can't go home because two rooms at home are being repaired, the library and my parent's bedroom. They moved stuff to my bedroom. Hay naku, magulo na naman yun. I told my mom that she should have the whole house renovated. But if they do that proposal, does that mean that we would stay here longer than expected?? Oh well. I don't know what to think about that topic anymore. Everything's unclear. We haven't really talked about it and planned.

I wonder why this entry is sooo long? It's actually three pages long in Microsoft word. Haha! I gotta let go of all these thoughts or else I won't be able to concentrate on what I'll read later.

I super need to shop. I have nothing to wear anymore. I look in my closet and everything's just not wearable. I need new flip flops. My mom is getting caught up with the Havaianas fever. She wanted me to buy! She wanted me to buy. The world is coming to an end, isn't it? Haha, kidding, but yeah, she did wanted me to buy Havaianas. I declined. For now. Haha! Of course I wouldn't refuse an offer like that.

Why are there so many wonderful yet expensive books??? Hay. My money would go kaput if I give in to temptation. It's still raining. The wind is actually howling. Haunting. Just like the song by James Blunt. I don't know. There's something about the song that makes everyone fall in love with it. *sigh* My voice is hoarse right now. Haha!

Excuse my grammar. I didn't bother to check it.

Wala lang

Haha! So bored. I shouldn't be though coz I'm currently reading my SA handouts, but everyone needs a break, even from mundane tasks such as reading. I got this from Mimi's blog. :D

An asterisk appears if I have experienced it.
*smoked a cigar(ette) (and on my 18th brithday too, cool!)
*madeout with a member of the same sex (we were all drunk okay?)
crashed a friend's car
stolen a car
*been in love (*ahem* *ahem*)
been dumped
*shoplifted (erasers in National! Ang cute kasi, and I didn't know that it was bad. It was right under a security guard's nose too. Bulag.)
been fired
*been in a fist fight (at the playground. I was a bully back then...Well, I guess until now.)
*snuck out of my parent's house (Haha, mahirap!)
*had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
been arrested
made out with a stranger
gone on a blind date
*lied to a friend
*had a crush on a teacher (What was the name of our PE teacher in AC? Not the Herculean woman ah!)
*been to Europe (lovely place!)
*skipped school (lotsa times)
slept with a co-worker
seen someone die (true life? none. but in movies, of course!)
been to Canada (a part of me...haha, joke lang noh!)
been to Mexico
*been on a plane (I love the feeling of take-off and landing.)
thrown up in a bar
purposely set a part of myself on fire
*eaten Sushi (unfortunately...I don't like the taste.)
been snowboarding
been moshing at a concert
been in an abusive relationship
*taken painkillers
*love someone or miss someone right now (see my previous entries)
*laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
made a snow angel
*had a tea party (hmm...is having a tea party with imaginary friends included? Haha!)
*flown a kite (na lagi namang sumasabit sa mga electricity/phone lines)
*built a sand castle
*gone puddle jumping
*played dress up (fun fun fun!)
*jumped into a pile of leaves
gone sledding
*cheated while playing a game (I always wanted to win.)
*been lonely
*fallen asleep at work/school
*used a fake id
*watched the sunset
*felt an earthquake
*touched a snake (cold! *shudders*)
slept beneath the stars
*been tickled (hmmm...always? everyday? ^_~ haha!)
*been robbed (jealous classmates in gradeschool)
*been misunderstood (true..:c)
petted a reindeer/goat
*won a contest
run a red light
been suspended from school
been in a car accident
*had braces
felt like an outcast (but I made one feel like an outcast...wait, di lang ako ah)
*eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night (actually 2!)
*had deja vu (I remembered the matrix)
danced in the moonlight
*hated the way you look (Before. I had this super straight bangs.)
witnessed a crime
pole danced
*questioned your heart (most of the time)
*been obsessed with post-it notes (all sizes and shapes too)
*squished barefoot through the mud
*been lost
*been to the opposite side of the country
swam in the ocean (scared!)
*felt like dying
*cried yourself to sleep
*played cops and robbers
*recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers
*sung karaoke
paid for a meal with only coins
*done something you told yourself you wouldn't
*made prank phone calls (it was a freaking dare!)
*laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose (haha, disgusting, I know)
caught a snowflake on your tongue (wala ngang snow dito eh! Dumi meron, haha!)
*danced in the rain
*written a letter to Santa Claus
been kissed under a mistletoe
watched the sun rise with someone you care about
*blown bubbles
made a bonfire on the beach
crashed a party
*gone rollerskating
*had a wish come true
humped a monkey (eeewww!)
*worn pearls
jumped off a bridge
screamed vagina in class
*ate dog/cat food (just those biscuits that we ourselves made :p)
told a complete stranger you loved them
*kissed a mirror (vanity ensues!)
*sang in the shower
*have a little black dress
*had a dream that you married someone (and I wished that it was true and real)
glued your hand to something
got your tongue stuck to a flag pole
kissed a fish
*worn the opposite sexes clothes
been a cheerleader
*sat on a roof top
*screamed at the top of your lungs (kaya napaos)
done a one-handed cartwheel
*talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
*stayed up all night
didnt take a shower for a week
pick and ate an apple right off the tree
*climbed a tree
had a tree house
*are scared to watch scary movies (but still watch them, baliw talaga)
believe in ghosts
have more then 30 pairs of shoes
worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say
gone streaking
played ding-dong-ditch
played chicken
been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
*been told you're hot by a complete stranger (just said in a foreign language)
broken a bone
*been easily amused
caught a fish then ate it
made porn
*caught a butterfly
*laughed so hard you cried
*cried so hard you laughed
mooned/flashed someone
had someone moon/flash you
*cheated on a test

*have a Britney Spears CD

Volleyball mania

"...Even the best fall down sometimes. Even the wrong words seem to rhyme. Out of the doubt that fills my mind, I somehow find you and I collide..." - Collide by Howie Day

Definitely not my day. Sleepy. :(

I was watching the men's volleyball class today. It was exciting in a way. Sta and I both wanted to cheer them on and shout out advice and stuff. We were both so mean. We were commenting on every move of the players. There was this particular player who was short and yet he was so good. His services, tosses, spikes, assists and overhead hits were great. He's quite bossy but at least he encourages the players to play well, gives them good feedbacks and gives pieces of advice. I wonder if he's a volleyball player. Interesting. I wonder why it's only now that I really watched their game. Then there's this "girly-guy," haha, who's also good, but today, her...I mean his spikes were all outside. Too much energy. I can't wait to watch their tournament! Exciting!

I joined five psychology experiments! Haha, I saw a familiar name in one those who will conduct the experiment. I immediately avoided it. Haha!

Why is it the moment I start giving myself conditions, I don't get anything done? Take for example last night when I was making my Theo paper. I said I would start at 8. When 8 arrived, I said, 30 more minutes. When 9 came, I said I would start at 10 and so on and so forth until I fell asleep halfway through. Bleh.

Psych lesson hit right on target. Haha. Oh well.

I keep on forgetting that I'm the one supposed to facilitate the area this time. Haha. Still not getting used to being the "ate." Grr...makes me feel really old. Next week, I'll go to babad...IF I'm done with the two papers that I have due the next day.

LSS! The song was sang repeatedly during Pinoy...tsktsk.

I was watching the FIVB Grand Prix earlier at Solar Sports. It was a game between Cuba and Italy. Of course, whose team would I side with than that of Italy. I like their jerseys. Haha. But they are great players. Their coach was so funny coz for almost every mistake, he was there, shouting at the sidelines. It was an intense game. There was one Cuban player who you could really see was becoming pissed. Her attacks were always blocked by Barazza and Cella. She was so hyped up that two of her attacks were so powerful that Italy's libero couldn't stop the ball. I'm missing volleyball already...

Annoying!!! -_-

It's 7 13 in the morning and I just got a text 3 minutes ago that we would be having no class in theo. Just when I had printed my paper and prepared for class. Hay, the world isn't on my side this day. I had two weird dreams. Yes two, since I drifted in and out of sleep to finish my paper. Actually I'm not so sure. The second dream was like a continuation of the first or a kinda alternative ending. It shows how much something bothers a person. Haha. Anyway, I'm off to have breakfast at McDo. Ciao!

Mean

"...Everyday and every night this feeling I'd fight. Try as I might but I won't win, I surrender, I die...I miss you. It's crazy to pretend that I don't think of you. The more this feeling just seems to grow and grow..." - Miss You by MYMP

Hay, it is tiring.

The apartment almost burnt down. Manang left the burner open, obviously forgotten. She was gonna spray baygon. Good thing I saw it, or else I won't even be here typing. *shudders* I'll be burnt to crisp or badly burnt.

Saw a documentary during SA. Horrible images of the pig and chicken being slaughtered. Blood spurting out. Heart exposed. *faints*

Mean. Mean. Mean. Kasi...Tsktsk, my defense mechanism's acting up. Rationalizing daw. My control snapped.

I failed my PE long test. It hurts my pride. There I was taking the exam with nothing, as in nothing in my mind regarding the test. I didn't study and I didn't even make the effort to research for notes I didn't have. Multiple choice, fine, I could guess it, but the enumeration was just...I know them, I did, some, coz I copied them but I didn't study. I'm so stupid. I know. It's just PE, but to not study? It's better to have at least read something and do the test with something in my head, but there I was, seated, staring at the back of a blank one whole sheet that I had.

Losing my appetite again.

I'm watching the game this Thursday with Iris (hehe!)! Cool! Whee! :D I wonder where we'll be seated...Thanks tito! :D

Doing theo paper. My mind is a vast endless empty mass.

Cannot find an appropriate heading

"...And I lie and I lie and I lie till there's no turning back. I don't know why, (and I lie and I lie till I don't know who I am)..." - Don't Lie by Black Eyed Peas

I am currently downloading songs. Haha, bored, but I'm supposed to be doing three important things right now. Hay. I'll be doing them in a while.

I have a long test in PE 101 tomorrow, but I do not have notes. Hahaha! It's not a funny situation but I'm just laughing it off. I'll be researching in a while for the topics included in the exam. Annoying class. They didn't distribute handouts that they were supposed to make. How the hell will I pass this test!?! Okay, I have to calm down, my blood's boiling. Actually it's not. I'm just getting hyped up over nothing.

It's Abi and Kyle's birthday tomorrow!!! ^_^ *sings happy birthday*

Oh my God. My heart stopped for a moment there. My screen suddenly turned blue and the message that I saw just before it restarted was, "dumping physical memory." I was like HUWAT!?! It wasn't until it returned to my desktop that I was able to breathe normally. My dearest laptop, please don't fail on me, not when I need you most right now. My laptop is still unstable. Hay. After the countless visits to the shop, it still has problems. Is this a sign to buy a new one? Haha!

Prayer will be moved from Friday to this Wednesday...ayoko, haha!

Napakasaya kahit na nakakapagod ang naging fieldtrip noong nakaraang Sabado. Matutuunan ng pansin ang kasiyahan sa mga mukha ng mga bata habang sila ay kumakain sa Luneta at habang kinakalikot nila ang iba't ibang gamit sa Museo Pambata. I relieved my childhood while being with these children. Their over active imagination as they go through the different rooms of the museum and the games they played to occupy their time as we waited for the sun to lower its rays. Their energy was boundless as we traveled from one place to another. It gave us a satisfied feeling to bring these children out of their homes and to these places. Places that not only give them joy but also to educate them. Go K1B6!

Next Saturday, we would be having an exposure trip in Gawad Kalinga Payatas. It is a required exposure trip for AtSCANS and I'm very tempted not to go. I just want to spend this weekend lazily, but what did I join AtSCA for if I give in to what I want? It's amazing how the other members are able to balance everything. During the orsem, the alumni were always kidding around that their major is Atsca and their minoring in their courses. That is how dedicated they are. Kaya napakaimportante ang pagtataya. But I wonder how long it will last. And I wonder, will I be among those that will be inducted this year? Hmm...

Sometimes, even what we feel is socially constructed. Haha! Is this the effect of listening to Ms. Santos? I don't know. Maybe? I think so.

Of course my entries are "mysterious." I can't just bare my soul here. I'll be vulnerable, and that is what I avoid. Besides, isn't it fun to figure out what the hell I am babbling about? Haha.

Anyway, Angel. I know I'm supposed to make kwento and all, but...I'll just use our yahoo groups. Speaking of that, guys, use it! Tsktsk! Or do you want me to put back outofblue? It's a hassle kasi eh. You have to login in and all. But I do understand that everyone's busy. We are nearing the end of the semester. Update on LLT (that is if you still remember what it stands for). Sta is still making the first chapter. It's over 15 pages daw. Haha, mahirap ipasok lahat ng characters. We're gonna revise it. You'll see. It'll be better than before :D I hope. Nah, I know. Kami pa! Hey Rica! She's pretty there! *ahem ahem* Haha, crush ko! Just kidding! Of course not, sayong-sayo na noh! I haven't been using my ym lately. I know. I owe you LOTS of kwento about ---! Teehee! Oh yeah, wasn't able to ask but are you guys okay na?

Argh. I hate slow connections. I've been online since forever and not a single song has been downloaded. Sheesh!

I'm digging gold and black right now. Haha! I was painting gold on black paper earlier today. It looked so cool! :D

I had morbid dreams last night *shudders* Blame the book I was reading yesterday.

Busy days up ahead

"...Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable and life's like an hourglass, glued to the table. No one can find the rewind button, girl. So cradle your head in your hands and breathe...just breathe..." - Breathe by Anna Nalick

Confused, confused, confused.

How could I have thought of death so lightly? I don't even know her and yet, when I heard what happened, there was this painful ache in my chest. I had the urge to cry. I haven't grasped the concept of death. My grandfather died but I didn't shed a tear. I guess it was because we weren't even close. He's the closest relative that I know who has died during my conscious years. The rest were relatives who I haven't even seen nor heard about. My dogs, yes they died. I mourned for them but eventually I forgot about them and the pain faded away. I cannot imagine how I would react when it happens to someone I'm very close to. I'll probably go mad or something.

Today is September 11 where the tragedy of the barbaric bombing of the twin towers happened.

I wonder what category I fall in. Naïve, innocent, ignorant or just plain stupid???

It's amazing how my papa knows exactly what is troubling me even though we haven't spoken for weeks. I am very much influenced by people these days, and they have lead to confusing results. Well, my dad advised my last night. Surprise surprise!

I ate a lot today. An order of pasta topped with Italian sausage and meatballs and an order of 3 cheese panini in Java Man inside Powerbooks; their serving of pasta is no joke. No wonder the waiter had his eyebrow raised. ^_~

I'm sorry but the idea is really distasteful. It did enter my mind a few times. No, scratch that, countless of times but really, the possibility is null.

We had a fieldtrip for the kids in our area yesterday. It was quite funny in the morning because I set my alarm the same time as for the weekdays. When the alarm rang, I thought it was one of those days so I decided to sleep for about 15 minutes since that is the grace period I give myself. When I got up from bed, I started to fix my stuff, putting in books, notebooks and such. I was done and only then did I realize that it wasn't a weekday. Haha. Anyway, I arrived like 3 minutes before 7:30 because they specifically said that we would leave at that time. Well, of course since we are Filipinos, punctuality is a blurred word in our vocabulary. There were only 7 people when I arrived and it was only then that people started to come in. We were only waiting for one more person at 8 and we promised the kids that we would pick them up at before 8 so a few of us went ahead. We had to walk at least 3 steep and sloping "hills." My second workout for the day. The kids were very excited to go. Of course, for some who would be left behind were quite sad. Not all the "ates" and "kuyas" had two kids; some only had one, like me. We went down from their place and saw that the other jeep had arrived. Then off to Museo Pambata. It was kinda traffic and at some point it drizzled so we were quite worried. The plans were also slightly changed because our reservation for a guide in the musem was for 930 but at that time we were still on the road, so we moved it to 130 and went instead to Luneta. God was with us that day. Yes, the weather was scorching hot but it's better than rain, right? We walked around, bothered the people fishing, walked again, took pictures, ran after the kids who had so much energy, then moved nearer to where Rizal was located. We ate lunch under the shade. Some of the kids were so sweet. Not everyone brought food so they shared what they had. After lunch were games. Ang gulo! One of the kids had a "topak" the whole time ever since we picked them up. Mood swings. Talo pa si -----. Haha! *peace* Anyway, my kid was okay, pasaway minsan, but other than that, okay. We thought that they would be tired from the running and games, but they had so much energy that we had to lessen it so we went in one those gardens, something about sining. We had shade, free admission to the toilets, seats and other places where the kids could play for only P5 for adults and P2.50 for the kids. Then off to the Chinese garden, but since we only had little time left, only a few went in. I stayed out since I was getting tired plus the heat wasn't helping.

Finally, we arrived at the musem. We had to wait for a while but were satisfied because the place was air-conditioned. The kids had so much fun, owing to the fact that the level of their responses increases as we go to the next rooms. We weren't able to enter one room because there was some sort of activity by another group. This meant that we could leave early. About 3-330, we were on our way back. So very traffic and so very hot that at some point, it lulled me to sleep. All the way, they were singing mostly MYMP songs, current songs and theme songs from soap operas. Haha. At last, we arrived at the area, all sticky and sweaty. We still went with them to their homes, meaning, we walked again on those steep slopes. So tiring! People in that area are healthy. Anyway, we got back in ADMU at 530, exactly the time that the trip was supposed to end. It was at that time that the rain started to fall. God was really with us. Thank You for giving us the opportunity to give the kids a great time.

We have an exposure next Saturday. This time in Payatas. Hay, tiring day again. Oh well, at least I'm doing something productive on my weekends.

Sem break is slowly approaching. There are already a number of plans for the break. Sana lang matuloy. But. Yes, there's a 'but.' I'll be joining the AtSCAN retreat for one week. Then, just today, my mom asked if I wanted to go to Uzbekistan with her to stay with my dad. Hmmm...Or, we could go to the US to visit my mom's sister. Another hmm...I however do not like going to the States. Okay, I've been there once and that was when I was a toddler. I prefer going to Egypt.

Speaking of their family, I detest being compared, but I do understand the position of my mom. My cousins, well, my cousins at the US are over-achievers. They are obsessed and I mean, obsessed in being the best. They cannot sleep if they do not get As. Sometimes, they ignore their social life just to study. Anyway, today on our way to the mall, my mom told me that she was able to talk to my aunt a few nights ago. She was telling my mom how her son is now the team captain of the basketball varsity and her daughter, the team captain of the volleyball varsity. Then, the three of them would be joining a concert, two would play the violin and the other, which I presume is the daughter, would play the cello. Then my mom said, in a voice that had a tinge of wistfulness that I don't think she noticed, that they're all so good. I guess it pains her to not be able to say something about my achievements. She has nothing to gloat over their heads. Let's face it. I've been doing everything half-baked. I'm inconsistent. I didn't continue piano. I can play but my fingers have become rusty. I didn't continue painting or doing art. I didn't have voice lessons even though I've been told that I have a nice voice. My grades have gone up up up to down up down up. I haven't played volleyball well for some time. Oh well.

Lately I've been addicted to Formula One and Tennis. Haha, wala lang. I was watching F1 earlier and Montoya seems to be in the lead. Alfonso's fourth, followed by Schumacher. :p Hehe!

...

Thanks for all the hugs! *hugs everyone back*

I am craving for KFC's Hotshots right now. I'm sooo hungry. My stomach is growling right now, demanding for food. Or then again, it might signify something else. Haha.

Somehow, I don't feel that today is Friday.

Tomorrow, we would be having a fieldtrip for the kids in our area. A whole day activity. I can predict that I would be dead-tired the whole day. Two kids per person. Phew!

I'm doing a good job; I have to keep it up. I hope.

Feeling bitchy

"...What's this life anyway? What's it to you and me? What's it to anyone? Who are we supposed to be?" - These Days by Chantal Kreviazuk

I'm feeling very frustrated right now and being a downright bitch. I feel like bad-mouthing people, but of course I wouldn't do that. It's not my way of venting out frustration. But these feelings may be enhanced because I'm PMS-ing right now. I know. I happen to have a huge appetite which doesn't happen very often. I'm feeling very hungry at this moment. But who wouldn't when what I had for dinner was a greasy meat-sauced pasta that made me want to hurl, literally. *blech* Of course I didn't finish it. I must be out of my mind if I did. I've been craving for pasta all day. I even ate (and finished) the overcooked pasta from Shakeys. I do not claim to be an expert in food, but I know good pasta when I taste one and what I ate today didn't even come close. What I'm craving for right now are chocolates! Snickers. I'm also craving for honey crunch cake. The one from Pricesmart. Yum.

For all those who were devastated and are wishing and hoping, still, good luck. That is not said in a sarcastic tone, it is a sincere and heartfelt wish. Everyone deserves to be happy.

I'm bored out of my mind. I have read all the books that I own (and have borrowed), excluding of course the textbooks. There are no interesting games in my laptop, and I have no plans of making layouts. There's nothing great to be seen on TV and I don't have vcds or dvds to watch. I even get bored while surfing the net. I really just want to read read read.

I haven't heard from my dad for weeks. What would I say anyway? That I'm failing my subjects? What great news. I'm failing Pinoy. Well, my long test was crap and so was my paper. My favorite initials (yeah right!): D/C. Then for SA, I'm sporting a C+ but that's not enough, but who can I blame but myself? I'm not exactly putting much effort. I have no idea what my standings are in Economics, Psych and Theo. I bet they're all in the range of C-C+. A B? Haha, I wish. PE is a breeze (^_~), except for that paper I had every intention of doing, but didn't make and those quizzes that are so technical. Speaking of PE, another thing that made this day so frustrating was that I was deciding on whether to cut my PE but changed my mind at the last second and went to school only to find out that it's a freaking freecut!

I want to watch a movie tomorrow and yet I don't. I might go to area, but I don't feel like it. I want to attend the prayer meeting but I don't want to share and bare my soul. Here I am again, being so capricious minded. No wonder I'm always at a crossroad.

I'm having these tremendously weird dreams lately.

Hay naku. Why does he always look down?! My plan failed. Humph!

I am washing my hands from this matter. This time, I mean it.

Busy busy month. I hate it when professors compress all the work in a month. It's so annoying!

I'm giving in to temptation. *sinks her teeth on a bar of Snickers*

I attended the ed session of AtSCA yesterday. Great speakers. Kung hindi lang ako inaantok...

Lazy day

"...In a somersault, you never know where you are. It's easy to get lost, easy to think nobody's breaking your fall. Now the summer's gone and until your return. In a somersault, thinking of you, I'll turn..." - Somersault by Courtney Jaye

Sometimes, I find it nice to arrive at the apartment and find out that no one is there. It seems so solitary to think that way, but for me, it gives me a sense of independence that somehow, one way or another, I can already live by myself. But that is only one part of the puzzle. I arrived at the apartment to find that door locked and the place neglected. Using my keys to open the door gave me this satisfactory feeling of having some sort of power. I don't know. I can’t understand it, but it feels good.

I'm making a promise to myself at this moment in time, although the idea has been lingering on my mind ever since, that I would not be cutting any class this week, or on the following weeks for that matter nor would I go out on any gimiks, though may it be a simple movie or go to any mall to just "hang out." Eating out can be overruled since I'm in the comfortable state of eating out. Curse the heavens if I give in to temptation. It would lead to dire consequences if I would succumb to them.

I am not hoping nor am I expecting anything. Really. I mean, seriously, it's the truth.

This weekend was spent lazily. As I've said, I didn't go home because of some unfortunate events that I do not intend on narrating. Saturday was spent with my sister. We planned on seeing Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants. Just us, quiet bonding time. I was refused to be taken to the mall so gathering my courage, I went out and set for the destination alone. Riding a jeepney, lrt and mrt were tolerable, but the walking kinda freaked me out. Still, I should be used to it right? Being here and all. We met up, bought some food and went in the cinema. We came in the middle since our timing was impeccable. Of course, I'm saying that in a sarcastic way. Feeling very down, low and wallowing in self-pity, I burst into tears during the gap of the previous and next movie. It's that feeling that any small thing can lead your tear glands to work their hardest. After that emotional breakdown, the second time around, I felt very much better but was suddenly feeling very drained. We went around shops again and at the bookstore until it was time for her to leave. I couldn't just yet because the sky also chose that moment to break down so I had to wait before venturing out in the open to ride the mrt and lrt back. However, at the station, I didn't immediately jump on a jeepney. First, I was scared to ride, hearing all the stories about jeepneys being stolen and burglarized and second, it was once again raining. I arrived at the apartment, slightly soaking wet. I was greeted by a smug looking manang and seeing her, I wanted to swipe that expression from her face. It annoys me so to have someone look at you and without even voicing it out, know what they are saying is "I told you so."

Sunday was the best. I stayed at my bed the whole day. Yep, I was being a slugabed, patterning my routine after a certain someone. I was supposed to eat dinner out, but was detained by the power of dreamland, to my extreme annoyance. I went back and waited for manang, who by good fortune, bought some take out. Chicken! Yum. Then, lo and behold, who do I find standing at my doorstep but the very center of my annoyance. Of course, all was forgiven, thanks to my forgiving heart, haha, kidding! But yeah, everything was forgiven and maybe slightly forgotten and we still had dinner, amidst the dramas and distractions. Thanks!!! ^_^

My memory really is failing me. I completely forgot that we had a quiz today in Fil. Phew! At least I remembered some of it. That, by the way, contrasts the idea of my first sentence. Haha! I spent the rest of the afternoon at my lil sis's condo where we said we would study and that is indeed what we did. See? We can keep our word after all!

I thought I was gonna have to write an entry called, "drunkard bastards pt. 2." In the afternoon, they were already starting singing, but this time it was kid who was singing the birthday song over and over again, later on advancing to que sera sera. At night, they were singing MYMP songs but good thing they didn’t continue it. ^_^

Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants

"...Do you know I cry? Do you know I die? Do you know I cry? And it’s not the good kind..." - The Good Kind by The Wreckers and Michelle Branch

I'll be watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants in two hours with my sister at Galleria. I'm going to commute alone. Hehe, cool. Scary but it'll be an experience. Just hope it doesn't rain. I'm not gonna shop. I'm not in the mood, right now anyway, plus I'm trying to be stingy. Yeah right, haha!

I don't care anymore. Save me the drama. In a few years time, I'll move out. I guess you'll be happy with that.

Anyway, I'm not gonna let anyone or anything dampen my mood. I just finished reading a book by JD Robb aka Nora Roberts. Can't believe I finished it in...four hours. I need a new book to read!!!

Brown Penny

I didn't go home today.

So what if I go to rallies and such? It's my own decision and responsibility if I decide to join them. At least I know what I believe in and would dare to take a chance on it. Well, not always, but, if I do intend on joining, then they shouldn't have any say at all. My choice, my decision, my responsibility.

I'm trying not to expect anything. Like I said, I don't really want to be hurt. Haha, yeah right, as if, but well, I'm not gonna expect anything. I'll just stand by and let things happen, with of course a little push, but other than that, nada. Zilch.

Why do I keep up with some people? Because that is who they are and as much as you want to change them, you can't. Change will happen if they truly believe that they need it; one cannot force change. The best thing really is to try to understand why they act in a certain way and you yourself be the one to adjust to them. They're just being themselves. It will be your own problem if you can't stand them. You can't just give up on a person because you don't like how they act. They need to be understood.

Or maybe I'm just being too kind. I'm still a people pleaser but I found that not pleasing everyone is also a good thing. There are times when it is myself that I should please. Right?

Finally, I was able to walk at night. What a wonderful feeling.

Currently sleepy but in order to have good dreams, I need to empty my mind of all these endless thoughts.

People should know when their jokes are going too far. Sensitivity is needed. Sensitivity to others, I mean, not to one's own self.

This is the poem from Must Love Dogs. A wonderful poem, simply written but has depth, as poems should have.

*****

Brown Penny by William Butler Yeats

I whispered, 'I am too young,'
And then, 'I am old enough';
Wherefore I threw a penny
To find out if I might love.
'Go and love, go and love, young man,
If the lady be young and fair.'
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
I am looped in the loops of her hair.

O love is the crooked thing,
There is nobody wise enough
To find out all that is in it,
For he would be thinking of love
Till the stars had run away
And the shadows eaten the moon.
Ah, penny, brown penny, brown penny,
One cannot begin it too soon.