Sneezing is tiring...???

"...Is anybody out there? Does anybody see that when the lights are off something's killing me? I know it seems like people care cause they're always around me, but when the day is done and everybody runs...Who will be the one to save me from myself? Who will be the one who's there and not ashamed to see me crawl? Who's gonna catch me when I fall?" - Catch Me When I Fall by Ashlee Simpson

It's dark outside. It's raining!! *sings "it's raining men"* Ha! Kung may ganun lang! haha, joke! :D So...what the hell am I doing here, sitting in front of my computer at 11 in the morning? Exactly that. Sitting in front of my computer. Hay, whatever Chill.

I miss my laptop. I miss my room. I miss the mall...huwait, parang kagagaling ko lang kahapon ah! Haha! I miss my fwends! (uh-oh, Ica...nakakahawa!)

So...tiring. Who knew that sneezing and blowing your nose could be such a tiring feat? Haha! I really can't work straight and I'm really not going anywhere with this entry. Let's see. Start from Tuesday since I didn't blog that day. I went out! Yehey! Well, my mom supposedly had a meeting in the bank but decided to move it on Wednesday, but she still went there to get money *kaching!* so I was left at the mall...ALL BY MYSELF!!! Man, how pathetic with a capital P! (eh hindi naman capital yun ah!) I asked the usual people I hang out with in Makati but they suddenly decided not to reply *ahem!* and some were far from Makati area so...So anyway, yeah, I went around shops, fit a few clothes and looked for a light fixture for my room. Hating the old fluorescent light. I needed something new. Such a lot of good stuff! Shirts, pants, short pants and shorts. Guess what I bought? NOTHING!!! Argh! I'm so fucking stingy. Hay. I was deciding if I'll get them...but in the end, rationality (I couldn't spend all the money I saved and mama wasn't with me to buy them) and stupidity prevailed! *places a victory flag on the mountain labeled Mt. Idiocy* But well, I met up with my mom after and I didn't ask her to buy them though I was eyeing critically her bag full of cash! Haha, just kidding! She however, bought flip flops from...haha, guess where? Havaianas fever! Kunwari pa na ayaw niya. Wooshoo!

Wednesday. That was yesterday right? Morning. I didn't go with my mom coz she had a meeting to go to and I woke up late to go with her so after her meeting, my uncles and I went to pick her up and we went to buy my light. Hay. Nothing really caught my eye that was right for my room, but I got one. Hopefully it isn't too bright. Then we went to the grocery to stock up our dwindling supplies. Then, stayed home and bummed around.

Today. Thursday. Well...nothing productive...yet! Planning to help sort out the books in the library and put them artistically (ha! Yeah right!) on the shelves. Comment about the shelves. IT LOOKS SO MANLY! Blech! Hay. My dad and his lack of artistic sense. Now the library, on one side looks like a bachelor's pad. Humph! Speaking of my daddykins *turns green* HE'S COMING HOME THIS NOVEMBER!!! Whee!

Friday. MOVIE!!! YEHEY!!! Butasin ang bulsa ni Rica! Mwahaha! :D

*sigh* I wanted to have piano lessons. Rusty fingers. *moves fingers and they make a cringing sound* Driver's license? Haven't gotten it yet. SHOPPING! As in the act of exchanging your money with clothes or stuff. New layouts...no laptop. What can I do? *sobs hysterically* Paint my room? *faints from the fumes* Walk my dogs? *comes home covered with bruises and drool* Clean dad's office *drowns in a sea of used tissues and gets goes under a LOT OF PAPERS and BOOKS* Go to the park? *is tied up and given as a sacrifice by savage kids* Crash Tasha's and Erika's house? *NON STOP chatting* Not a bad idea...but they are currently not replying. I am irked by people not replying. HUMPH! Like SOME people! Grrr...makes my blood boil! Okay, not exactly replying but simply texting. HUMPH! Bahala ka sa buhay mo. Ayoko na! Watch tv? *sees people moving on the screen but hears hammering, slamming of doors and pattering of feet instead of human voices*

Funny just how recently I was content with being isolated. Ha! Crazy!

Missing my room

10:22 in the morning and I still don't know what I'll be doing today. My room still hasn't been painted on. The walls and ceilings have to be smoothed first, then flat wall paint has to be applied. Only then can the paint I've chosen be put. Hay...such a long process. I'm becoming impatient. I miss the sanctuary of my room.

The Rose Within

This was emailed to me by an AtSCAn and I thought I'd share it with you guys. Wala lang, ang ganda ^_^

A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and before it blossomed, he examined it.

He saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought, "How can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns?Saddened by this thought, he neglected to water the rose, and just before it was ready to bloom... it died.

So it is with many people. Within every soul there is a rose. The God-like qualities planted in us at birth, grow amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselves and see only the thorns, the defects.

We despair, thinking that nothing good can possibly come from us. We neglect to water the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realize our potential.

Some people do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns of another, and find the rose within them.

This is one of the characteristic of love...to look at a person, know their true faults and accepting that person into your life...all the while recognizing the nobility in their soul. Help others to realize they can overcome their faults. If we show them the "rose" within themselves, they will conquer their thorns. Only then will they blossom many times over.

Coincidence? Or it was just really timely that this was sent to me? Oh well, whatever the reason is, thank you ^_^

What a day

"...Do you ever have that dream where you're walking naked down the street and everyone just stares. Do you ever feel so deep that you speak your mind to put others straight to sleep. You wonder if anybody cares. Sometimes I think I'm the only one whose day turned out unlike it had begun...And I feel bare naked and I just can't take it. I'm getting jaded. No I just can't fake it anymore cuz I'm bare naked and I know life's what you make it. Wish I could float away to some other day..." – Barenaked by Jennifer Love Hewitt

Well, I can't believe how I survived this day. Last night, I had difficulty sleeping. I kept on tossing and turning so much that my mom also had difficulty sleeping...I think? Anyway, I woke up at 7. No, scratch that, I woke up earlier than that and took my sweet time getting up, hence 7 am. Well, once again, I woke up to my small chaotic world. In simple terms: the house. So what did I do? I walked aimlessly for a while. Walking from room to room, nit really doing anything, not really seeing anything. Then I remembered that I was supposed to bathe my dogs so there, I prepared all their soaps and shampoos and took their leashes and tied each one of them to an empty post. My mom was nagging (always the right term for her) to eat breakfast but I seriously wasn't in the mood to eat so I said so and she was making drama and all how I eat breakfast at the apartment. Is she jealous? So anyway, I took a bit off the puto and kutchinta set on the table and went to wash my dogs. Hay, they've been really neglected. Really. :( I then went to help out in my room, take out the paints and such, with my mom's mouth talking constantly. I couldn't take it. I had to leave, and I didn't go back. After lunch, I stayed in the computer room and just used the net. After that, EXTREME BOREDOM!!! I super didn't know what to do. There was no quiet space! I longed for the silence I had for 4 days. I know it's no use going back, but I couldn't help it. I was gonna be driven mad by everyone speaking, shouting. There was even no decent room to stay. It was all really fucked up! I actually planned what I was supposed to do. After bathing the dogs, fix my stuff, wash my bags, fix the computer room, but after working in my room, after lunch, my body just shut down. It went to "sem-break mode." It was looking for the "bumming around" stuff that you usually do during the break, and I didn't have the chance to do that. Sure I slept. At the servant's quarters. But only for a few minutes. That was how desperate I was to "rest." Walking aimlessly, thinking just to block the noise, no decent room to sleep...what a nice break this would be. I need to go out!!!

Long entry

Wow. It's been a while. How many days have I been unable to blog? I don't quite remember. Haha. I guess it was my last final exam day. Tuesday last week. So...yeah, there, I don't really know quite where to begin. Well, just start with today I guess. I went out with Joey and Marco! But I was with Marco first in ADMU (nope, we're not nerds who seem to love hanging out in school) coz he had to settle some accounts with ADSA and the library. After that, we went to Shang to meet up with Joey. While waiting for her, we went around and everything. Once again, the feeling of needing to buy something overcame me, but I tried to ignore it. I was actually planning to buy that bag from Mango, a top from Topshop and a new journal. We also checked the schedule for the movie. Joey arrived but we were late for the movie so we ate instead at CPK and went around to window shop and fit some clothes. Sorry Marco! Pero dapat sanay ka na :D Didn't buy any clothes but bought a "journal" instead. Actually, it's just a simple notebook. I couldn't find one that really suited me so I'll just fill that out in the meantime.

I really wasn't planning to go out today. Seriously. I mean, the retreat (explain more about that later) intended to be relaxing and all, but I really wanted to go home. I even thought of making some excuse not to go (hehe, sorry!), but in the end, I realized that why not go out this week and next week, commit all my time to my plans. Plus...there, there was also another reason why I went out. So I did go and I did have fun. Tubby! Haha! :p

Ack. Sorry, my thoughts are still scattered. Kasi, when I arrived home, everything was so messy, chaotic and I was bombarded with all the things to do, not to mention this current conflict with Oasis's debut. Hay. Wait, ieexplain ko rin yan.

Okay. The silent retreat. From Monday to Thursday (yesterday).

Monday. There I was, all packed and ready. 1130, expected time for assembly. I left the apartment at 1125. I arrived and there were only 2 people. Waited. More people. Didn't really knew anyone. New members. Saw Che. Went to McDo to buy food. When we arrived, everyone was there. We had to answer a survey like what were our current concerns, etc to help us with our retreat. We left at around 130. Was sleepy on the way. Kwento dito, kwento doon. Met new members. We arrived, mga 3. We were given keys to our rooms. One person per room! Whoa! Was pretty freaky at first coz the room was small, had 2 beds, table, chair, sink, and the mirror and crucifix were facing each other and one wall was puro window. I was on the first floor so my view was the trunks of trees and shrubbery. We had mass first. The people who went on retreat before said that this would truly be an experience and we are only allowed to speak to our spiritual directors. So parang ako, talaga? Coz I was unable to go to the orientation so I knew nothing. I didn't know what to expect, what to do, etc. After mass, we had dinner and grand silence began. That night we were given the first set of prayer points. The flow of Ignatian prayer was to have grace first, scriptures, and sets of points to focus on. Then parang Bro. JR said that if we find something that would be able to help us, good but if it doesn't help then don't use it since it won't do any good. That night, I tried to pray, to focus on the scripture but my mind was in a whirlpool, so many thoughts rushing and turning in my mind so I just wrote in my journal. I wrote to the people close to me, etc. At 1030, lights off but I was able to sleep at 11.

Tuesday and Wednesday. Basically, almost the same. Woke up at around 6, had morning praise, breakfast, new set of prayer points and the whole day you're on your own. In the evenings, mass then dinner. For Tuesday, was the sharing of new members and for Wednesday was the sharing of old members. Thursday was the last day and the silence broke at around 1, during lunch.

So, basically. Yeah, the retreat was very relaxing, both physically and spiritually. You can sleep for many hours of the day, eat good food and the atmosphere was so peaceful. It was really like a break from the world. Fuga Mundi. Free from the world. It was as if time stopped. Time of reality and we were brought to this world where time is endless. But sadly no. The retreat ended and we have no choice but to go back to the real world, so to speak. Sabi nga nila. BSDU. Balik sa dating ugali. Pero pwede ring. Balik sa Diyos ulit. Alam kong hindi talaga maiiwasan yun. Tama, makakasama nga ang Diyos sa mga araw na iyon. Tulad ko, nakausap ko Siya, nakasama. Naramdaman ko ang pagmamahal Niya at natauhan ako dahil ni kalian man, hindi ko siya napasalamatan. Yeah. My life ain't perfect, but I found and realized that He has given me more than I asked. My family, my friends and school. Never once did I thanked Him. Never once did I realize that He was the one behind everything. Tulad nga ng sinabi ko kay Bro. Jeff, ang aking spiritual director, naoverwhelm ako nung naisip ko kung paano pinakita ng Diyos na mahal niya ako. Lubos lubos ang binigay niya at hindi ko napansin ito. I thought that my experience could be more or less the same with the rest coz throughout the days, I see people scribbling on their journals, reading their bibles and looking so peaceful, like me. But when our sharing started, yeah, some were like me who reestablished their relationship with God, but others simply couldn't find Him. The more they looked for him, the more they can't. Some even found themselves doubting God more. Basta, hindi lahat na-end ang retreat sa masayang paraan. Sabi nga ni Kuya JP, "bakit hindi na lang pwedeng happy ending?" Bakit hindi pwedeng manatili na lang sa sanktwaryo ng katahimikan? Doon kasi ay maaari nating maisantabi ang mga problemang ating hinaharap sa kasalukuyan.

Pero, totoo, hindi madaling sumunod sa yapak ng Panginoon. Kasi sa pagbabalik sa tunay na mundo, eto, ang realidad. Reality hit us when we went outside the gates of Loyola retreat house. Ngunit lubusan akong nalulungkot dahil matapos ang retreat, buhay ang sumalubong sa 'kin; o marahil mas angkop ang salitang "katotohanan". Mahirap harapin ang mga bagay na alam mong muling gugulo sa iyong mundo matapos ang katahimikan ng retreat. Maybe the promises I made to myself during the retreat would be shattered. There will be a time that I will forget what I have felt during the retreat. There will be a time when I will forget Him once more. But, no matter, he is always there, continuing to love us, love me despite forgetting him, despite hurting him. But, the retreat. It maybe an escape, but we can never really escape who we are, where we are and what we are doing. The hope is that we return stronger than before to face everything. Basta, I experienced a lot. It truly was something to be missed. I'm glad I did join and not change my mind at the last minute. Basta, ayun. Di ko rin naman masasabi na I'll be more "religious. " That I'll remember, but I guess that's what I'm challenging myself. Sabi nga ni Sir Christian that change doesn't happen overnight. Basta, isang matinding hamon ito.

But, there, basta. I can't explain really. The silence. I'm used to silence but this silence had a different effect. Sure I wasn't able to speak to anyone except Bro. Jeff. No physical contact, no eye contact. Was I bored? NEVER! It was so peaceful, so content. The only time I got bored was during the last day. We were waiting for the other confessors to finish, and I didn't pray nor tried to. I was so restless unlike the past days when doing nothing felt right. I guess that's really the feeling when God's talking and you're listening than a time when you block everything. Ewan. Insight lang. Haha! Ang haba diba? Anyway, I still kinda have a "hangover" from the silent retreat. I was talking to Tubby (hahahaha!!! Joke, pero ang cute kaya!) in the phone last night and I think his ear fell off coz I was talking non-stop. Even today, when I went out with Marco and Joey. Hay, there. Those past three days was like a crack in the veil of reality. Barely there. Ang bilis nga eh. Tapos na. Parang kararating lang naming tapos uwi na.

Okay, have to stop talking about that na. Reality. This is reality. Our house is being "renovated" so to speak. My room, the library, the stairway...sabay sabay lahat. Ang gulo ng bahay. Walang maayos na kuwarto. No privacy, no silence. That's why my break won't really be a break but work. Ang masama pa doon na kahit gusto ko man tumulong, di kaya ng katawan ko. I have allergies kasi, so kahit teensy bit of dust, I sneeze. Hello, they're changing the ceilings. Super daming dumi niyan kaya ngayon, walang tigil ang pagpunas ko ng sipon at pagblow ng ilong.

Ayun. Dapat nga pupunta ako sa debut ni Oasis. Pero, wala. Hindi sa ayaw ko. Gusto ko. At parang obligasyon din bilang miyembro ng barkada kasi ako lang ang makakapunta pero parang iniisip ko din eh. Basta ang labo. Kaya nga nagplaplano ako ngayon ng "something" para sa kanya. Kami lang barkada kasi alam kong nagtatampo siya. Siyempre parang kausap ko lang siya sa telepono kanina at ayun, hurt kasi kaunti lang ang pupunta. But we'll do something to make up for it, right guys? ^_^

Haha, wala lang, feel ko lang magsulat sa Filipino. ^_^

Anyway, daming realizations. Super. Haha! ^_^ I love you guys to bits! Mwah!

PS. Sorry about my grammar. I didn't really check, plus I know my Filipino isn't perfect so just ignore it ^_^

To be awake for two days

This isn't fun. I don't get to bother anyone this week!!! -_-

What a fucking way to start a day. I probably could have bought a drink from Starbucks for the number of times we've uttered "fucking." But before that, it is always good to start the story from the beginning...hmm...sounds like a start from a novel.

I haven't slept since yesterday. Not even a nap. At like 1 this morning, I drank like three cups of coffee. Haha! I had to finish reading the novel for Filipino and make my paper after. My schedule got all screwed up and I thought that the deadline was on Wednesday. It turned out to be today. So I didn't sleep. I read the novel and literally got hooked. I enjoyed reading it even though it was written in Filipino. I believe I made a better paper than the previous one. I understood it, plus I did get a little help. Hehe! Thank you oh so much!!! I finished it at around 7 in the morning. I tried to sleep afterwards, but it was totally out of my reach. I just read for eco. Went to school. Saw Sta at the Kostka benches. Buti na lang coz I totally had no load! We chatted for a while...okay, not a while but for like an hour or so. Miss those gossip talks. Hehe! We looked at the schedule. Got confused. Went to Bellarmine to check it out. Found out that it was at 330. Fuck fuck fuck! It was so fucking frustrating! The fucking schedule was so fucking misleading! Grrrr! So we had like 3 hours or more to spare! All pissed off, we went to bento. We sang on the way. Haha! Funny! I can't believe how so very hyper I become with Mars. What do you do to me girl? :D We ate, studied, talked, got pissed, talked, laughed, laughed, laughed. We went back to Bellarmine but my energy went to the dumps. Was quite sleepy and the freaking room was quite dusty, kept on sneezing. All the time, I had an itchy nose. The eco test was a giveaway! Phew! I hope I get a B. Please please please.

After the exam, Debs, Mars and I went to Katips to return the vcd and that was where we parted ways. Debs and I then proceeded to Starbucks to eat. The sandwiches were good but expensive. Haha! Then we went to Jollibee to eat those cheesy-beef fries. Yum! Anyway, made lotsa kwentos. Then, when we looked outside, the wind was roaring and the rain was beating down. And both of us had no umbrellas. Braving it, we rushed out to the trike. Rode one and returned to Ateneo. I had to wait at the waiting shed for manang to pick me up.

Oh yeah, I haven't mentioned this but I kinda adopted a black cat from the stairs. It's so cute!!! Teehee!!! I so love it! It follows me around, up and down the stairs and it's so sweet. I haven't named it yet. Any suggestions? Basta, it's really sweet and kinda cuddly. It loves to rub its head on my lower pants. If ever my dog smells it, she'll have a fit! She hates cats since the day she was born.

I tried to sleep when I got back. Was I successful? NOT! Humph!!! What do I need to do in order to get some sleep? *cries*

I'm gonna watch two vcds (yes, and not dvds) tonight and finish my theo paper. After that, I'll sleep. Try to. I wish. I hope (and I pray).

Of sports and racing

I just finished watching the Formula One Japanese Grand Prix. Haha! I watched it from start to finish. 56 laps. Man, in just the first two laps, there were already two casualties. Montoya flew off the track and hit the barrier and lost one of his wheels (so sad); effect of this was they had to go behind the safety car for 5 laps. I didn't know that could happen. Obviously I haven't been paying attention to the race. I kinda miss watching Formula One with my dad. He'll be spewing off technical terms here and there; sometimes I get it, sometimes I don't. Anyway, there was this tricky corner and like two off them got caught in the trap. Alonso and Raikkonen are each one heck of a driver! They could pull off an overtaking stunt on the corners! So cool! M. Schumacher is really losing his touch. Two of them were really breathing on his neck, so much pressure. He got in 7th place. He was in the lead though for a few laps until he had two pit stops. Raikkonen really stole the victory. I mean, he was like in the 17th place in the beginning and after 56 laps minus the 5 laps behind the SC, he's the winner. Then Alonso from 16th to the 3rd place. I mean, wow. How the hell did they do that? I won't go and pretend I understand cars, about horsepower, throttle, etc etc etc because frankly I don't! Haha. Basta ang galing. Ack! I'm becoming an F1 fan!!! Can't wait for the next weekend! This time, the race would be in Shanghai, China. I think it's the last race for this season. Yeah, it is. Aaaaww....Just when the sem break is here.

Enough about racing. Let's go to volleyball. Yes, I only watched the sports channel the whole time! As in alternating between volleyball and the race. It was a game between Italy and Nederland. Ha! Where else would I side with? However, putting biases aside, Italy was really better than Nederland. Nederland's receivers were bad; the ball didn't have any direction. If the first hit goes out of the way, then they won't be able to give a good attack. Centoni from Italy's side is the best! I so love her. She kinda looks like Cate (AC girl lower batch). She's good in everything. I guess that's why she's the captain. Their libero also did her role some justice. She literally dove just to get the ball even if it was super outside. Idol! Anyway, I didn't finish the game. The score was like 16-8 in favor Italy. I like to say that Italy will win but 8 points of difference? It can be easily caught up. Who knows. May the best players win.

I can't wait for the Fifa World Cup next year!!! Woohoo!!! It'll be in Germany right? Ha! I super will watch that! On TV of course. :D

I'm being a sports fanatic right now. Haha! ^_^ Just to lay off studying.

And this is where I pass by the black and white chequered flag. The race has ended. Ciao!

Damp weekend

"...Here we go...Here we go again..." - Here We Go Again by Kelly Rowland

Tears seem to come easily lately. I mean just this morning, when I woke up, I had tears in my eyes and there was this big damp spot on my pillow (and no, it's not my saliva). Aside from the tears, there was this painful ache on my chest. Figures. I just had a dream that the most important man in my life died. I mean, come on! Why would I have a dream like that? I couldn't help but think that maybe something happened to him or something. That fear that I kept ignoring came on full blast. But. It was just a dream. Just a dream and nothing else.

Anyway, I think that determined my mood for the rest of the day. Sure, I kept on a happy facade for my mom and tried my best to lighten her up too since she was down, tired and sleepy. I'm not fulfilling my promise to my dad to take care of her. It's funny how the people close to you are sometimes kinda deceived by the facade you create. Entering Greenbelt 3, a security guard checks the bags. I went ahead, leaving Mama and Manang behind. After the guard checked my bag, he looked at me, gave me a smile and said, "Oh ma'am, bakit ang lungkot n'yo? " Sufficed to say, I was really surprised. I just gave him a smile and walked on. Here was a person I barely knew and he saw behind my mask. After that, I tried my hardest to keep anything negative emanating from me.

Oh yeah, there was another thing that "brightened" *can't you hear the sarcasm?* my day. I officially do not have a laptop anymore. My life span just lessened by 10 years. The lcd of my laptop has gone to his second life, and that confounded lcd costs so much!

Argh! The Octoberfest song kept repeating in my head last night. I mean, of all the songs to have an lss, why that?? Well, considering that it was the song played over and over again in Eastwood. What I planned to be just a short visit to Katipunan became a movie/"shopping" night. Haha! Actually I was already planning on going out that night and Charmie and AC had the same plan too. Anyway, we watched a movie then went around the shops in Eastwood which wasn't much really. I saw this really cool cute bag that really called me! It was a bag from Bayo, white and orange, and you'll never guess what was written on it. Haha! Chill! I'll be buying that. There's no way I won't. :D I kinda regret not buying it last night but I was really controlling myself because it'll be like an overflowing dam that'll be opened. Uncontrollable, but I like to think I handled myself well last night. I didn't need anyone holding my wallet for me or anything or forcefully pulling me away from the bazaar. I did buy however one pair of white flip flops. Last night was fun, in a sort of twisted way :p It's our dirty little secret, ssshhh.

Feeling underappreciated again. Argh. Well, how can I not be? Everyone needs to be affirmed and...I mean, it's not easy. But...let it go. As long as...

Just one more week to go and we're all free!

A crazy entry

Ladidadida. Writing, writing...errr...blogging? Error! Error! Systems disabled. Proceeding shut down in 5...4...3...2...1...Boom!

That, ideally, should happen when I'm writing a paper, then shifts to blogging mode. Curses!

A trip down to memory lane. Cause = high school yearbook. Hehe! Rica! Gerone looks hot! Yihee! Haha! Joke! Actually, she looks pretty in the yearbook quite unlike her usual self. Weird talaga nun. As a bus mate ah? Or maybe as a whole? Oh yeah! I saw na the MRH...hold on, auditorium na pala, sa picture! Haha! It looks so fucking great! How could they do that to us!?! After we've suffered under the sweltering heat and endured the stifling hall, dressed in our gala? Sheesh!

Cheska! Haha!!! I so miss your wackiness, hmmm, craziness?! *evil laughter ensues from Cheska: I knew you couldn't resist me!!!* But as usual, we can't stick together or else chaos would erupt! I'm sorry I didn't post your birthday, haha! Alam mo ba kung bakit? Hehehe! Coz I forgot!! *evades the numerous architecture thingamajigs that appears out of nowhere in Cheska's hand* Man, I forgot how crazy you could be ^_^ See you in the next party! Whenever that may be :D

Surprisingly, am not sleepy. Reason? 13 hours of sleep the night before + 4 hours of sleep earlier today = no sleep tonight *sings No Sleep Tonight by The Faders* + finish thought papers + finish SA paper + study for SA long test = one cranky Chill in the morning coming right up! Hence, we can conclude that 17 hours of sleep = a crazy lunatic named Chill. ^_^ Or maybe not.

Psychologically ill. Psychologically overloaded. Psychologically tired!!! -_- All I'm seeing is psych thought papers! All I'm hearing is thought paper this and that! Seeing and hearing things? = schizophrenia? I guess my brain had much pruning to do. Hahaha, joke! Man, am I gonna go insane with the workload I have! And with the cramming I'm doing right now, no wonder.

Anyway, let's go to more saner stuff. Umm...?

Birthday month

"...Can I just see you every morning when I open my eyes? Can I just feel your heart beating beside me every night? Can we just feel this way together till the end of all time? Can I just spend my life with you?" - Spend My Life With You by Eric Benet and Tamia

It's October! Time flies...fast? Nah, it was actually a slow semester. It took so long to reach this month. Anyway, many birthdays this month! Correct me if I'm wrong.
October 8 - Trina, Ann and Gin
October 22 - Oasis and Tanya
October 24 - Chess

Paano ba yan? Sem break. So you guys definitely need to treat us out! Haha! I can't wait for Oasis' debut in Batangas! Yipee! But I still have no outfit! Haha, that gives us a chance to shop, right Sta?

I've been painting the whole of the weekend. I think it was Saturday, yeah, it was when I couldn't sleep and was very restless. I didn't feel like using the net nor watching tv. I wanted something to do with my hands, something that was productive and then it came. Painting. I'm a frustrated artist. I can't paint something that came directly from my imagination. I need visuals or sometimes, look at an image and tweak it a bit, just like what I do in photomanipulation (duh! The name says it all.) Anyway, there. My room's a bit of a mess. Paint tubes on the floor, on the table, palettes, brushes and scraps of "paintings" I did. Some turned out fine, some turned out "huh?"

My little sis taught me a song last Friday. It goes something like this:
Whatever is true.
Whatever is noble.
Whatever is right.
Whatever is pure.
Whatever is lovely.
Whatever is admirable.
Think about such things.
If anything is excellent.
If anything is praise-worthy.
Think about, think about, think about such things.

She said it came from the bible, and I believe her. During mass, no matter how much I try to focus, my mind keeps drifting. So anyway, my head was still in the clouds when I heard the phrase from the first reading: think about such things. That got my attention. I listened and it was about being positive. Of course from then on, I listened intently. The homily was also similar wherein the priest said that God didn't intend on giving us discouragement, and wanted us to also see the positive side in things. Then he went on with a paragraph from a book wherein the man, or the character both could complain and at the same time be grateful. For example, he can now complain because of the rainy weather, but he can be grateful because he is alive. He is sad to know that a rose has thorns, but isn't it wonderful to know that thorns have flowers? The whole point is, think positive. Do not dwell on the negativity that seems to always stand out.

I've been having these weird dreams, again! Argh! Ang labo. Last night, I had a dream about driving and prison. Haha. I can't make it out. They're all not connected.

Just two more weeks! Then sem break! Phew! My first week of the break would be for the retreat that I would be going to. It would be a silent retreat; I actually haven't been into a one, but I heard (and read from the reminders) that we should not talk to our fellow Atscans during the retreat. Can I handle that? Not speaking except for our spiritual adviser? I hope. The weekend after the retreat is Oasis' debut in Batangas. A luau. Whee! Exciting!

I've been questioning faith, God and death recently. I think it's all these theology topics and talks that led to this. I can't help but sometimes ask, is there really a God? If then, where is he? Can it be that he's constantly observing us, like a child with a dollhouse or a village set? If there is a God, does he control all the things happening to us, intentionally? Of course we cannot prove scientifically who God is. It all boils down to faith, in believing. But isn't religion socially constructed? People needed an explanation to the things they couldn't explain. And death. "Death has always been something that I couldn't grasp. It is like what a pool looks like at night; when I look down on the water, I see nothing but this black abyss that doesn't seem to have a concrete end. I view death as something mysterious; something that no one really knows of. I fear death because it is something that I have no idea what it's all about. There are no pieces of evidence that can determine what death is. I need something concrete to work with. No one has actually been there and came back to tell the tale, except maybe for Lazarus, but he is far from my reach for questioning...Death would be something entirely different; something alien. I've thought about leaving this world...because of something that I thought I couldn't handle, but I couldn't push through with any of it because I was scared. I was scared of what would happen once I leave this world. Everything that I dreamt of would be in vain; all my dreams would go down the drain. Lastly, it was something I had to face alone; no one, not even my friends or family would accompany me in that journey." Death, as much as it is a morbid topic to talk about is interesting and something we cannot escape from. It will come when it will come, as Julius Caesar uttered. Of course it will. It's part of the circle of life. Like other things, we shouldn't fear it, but that sometimes is impossible. Who knows what death is all about? How do we know that we're dying anyway? Do we feel our soul leaving our body? Or is it like just slipping into unconsciousness only this time, it will never end? So many questions that remain unanswered.

The talk last Friday was also interesting. I couldn't help but compare him to Bishop Tagle. I found Dr. Yap more entertaining and he makes explanations easier to comprehend. His talk got me thinking too. Most of the Jewish people during Jesus' time must have been surprised to see this man, a mere son of a carpenter suddenly claiming that he is the Son of God and began preaching, asking people to follow him. If we were in their place wouldn't we think that this guy's a madman, insane? Who does he think he is? It was hard for them to accept Jesus. Wouldn't we do the same? I think we wouldn't accept him. We now live in a society where more or less everything has a place. Labeling and putting people around boundaries is common.

Someone's gonna talk to someone on Friday.

There's a reason why I did that, but the reason isn't something that other people would understand. Leave it to me. I know what I'm doing. I hope ^_^

I made two bets with someone and I may or may not win either one. Haha! Oh well. It's either I get a free lunch or Clinique Happy or if things go awry, none of the above or if things go accordingly, I get all of them! But the outcome...we cannot outrightly determine. I mean, if you base it from this, impossible things cannot happen, then all is lost. Basta, we will know soon enough. ^_^

Among the Desperate Housewives, I love Eva Longoria! (is the spelling right?) I don't know. I so love her hair and her sense of style, especially her fashion sense. Especially her look during the Emmy's.

I went to the Assumption bazaar today. Hmm...I can't help but compare it to two years ago. When we went to the hotel lobby, normally, you would hear loud music and it would be noisy. Well, today, there was music but the volume was soft. I really thought that there wasn't a bazaar, but I did see people carrying plastic bags. Anyway, we went up, bought the tickets, then proceeded to the function rooms. It wasn't as crowded as before. I was like, what happened? The previous years had these rooms teeming with people and it was literally bumper to bumper. Oh well. I wasn't able to buy any flip flops. Grrr!!! They didn't have my size! All of them!!! I should have gone there last week! Man!!! What a huge disappointment. Anyway, I saw Avic. Haha! Ang kulit pa rin as usual :D

"Pink is dramatic. Pink is feminine. Pink is bold. Pink is persuasive. Pink is a pretty powerful color." I agree! Haha, biased! I got the quote from a breast cancer advertisement. Wala lang, it just caught my eye.

There was supposed to be a story here entitled Seasons that I so very much wanted to post, but, I read it again...Nope, I can't post it. I totally forgot the circumstances of the story, and with the present situation, more tongues will wag, and that is what we very much want to avoid.

You know the feeling that you wish you didn't talk too much? Hehe, that's what I'm feeling right now, but I know I shouldn't. I shouldn't and I'll try. Haha! You know how reluctant I am in sharing...stuff. :D Like I said, the feeling of vulnerability always seems to enclose me after speaking up about things I don't normally talk about. About topics that I avoid because frankly I don't even think about them that much. But then again, it is a good thing. Thank you ^_^